And so has my weary soul.
I cried the first time she and I watched the Disney sing-along video on our Roku. I hadn't seen the movie yet but Elsa’s song caught my heart. She was singing what I was feeling.
Let it go, let it go. Can't hold it back anymore.
I've been hanging onto so much -- busy-ness, old hurts, toxic friendships, emotions, control -- stuffing it in, packing it deep into the corners of my heart. Holding it all together, keeping it locked down tight because that's what good girls do.
Be the good girl you always have to be.
And one day, I heard this voice. This tiny whisper. It simply said, "no."
No, this isn't for you anymore.
No, you can't run at breakneck speed any longer.
No, you won't hold onto people because you think you should.
No, you can't say yes to everything.
No, this isn’t what they expect.
No, you won’t go through the motions.
So, I did something radical. I said, "Okay God, show me how."
One by one, He pruned my branches, pared back my responsibilities, and even walked me out of difficult relationships. It was hard. I was confused. But it was freeing.
And in many ways, I was like Elsa, holed away in a beautiful castle of solitude. Yes, to some who didn't understand, I was a villain that left a path of icy desertion. To a few, I was a victim of some sort of new age brainwashing. Yes, their words have reached my ears even as I hide out in my place of quiet. That hurts.
But, it's not about them. It's not even about me.
It's about God. It's about letting go of everything I thought was important and opening empty hands to Him.
It's coming out of my bedroom, where I hid from the stresses of life that I forced onto myself and my family. It's pulling back the shades and letting His light into the dark corners. It's opening the windows so the Spirit can blow in the fresh air of renewal. It's embracing the beauty of the God-given power that lies within me.
It's letting go and making a change. Not because I wanted to, but because it was time. Not because they said I couldn't, but because He said I could.
There’s another song that my sweet girl sings quite often:
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And in that truth is beauty. I can let go because He never does. When life is well, when life is poor. He’s still holding onto me.
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
So I don’t need to hold onto all my plans, all my failures, all my hurts. I don’t even need to clutch my ministries to my chest. I don’t need to worry about the storm. I can stand in the midst of it with my arms outstretched and my palms open wide because He is never going to let go of me.
Let the storm rage on...